Week 8 in the Pac 12

Great week of football out west. Let’s begin.

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Stanford 20 Arizona St. 13

Hundreds of people gathered in Tempe on Thursday to watch what may have been the worst game of the week. Literally hundreds of people. I find it hard to believe the total revenue from ticket sales covered the costs of these fireworks.

I’m ready to declare Stanford a bad football team. Sure they had their moment against Oregon, but I’m officially labeling this team BAD. I know it. Vegas knows it. I mean, Stanford came into this game -1 against a dog shit ASU team. Bryce Love looks like the Browns version of Trent Richardson, while Lou Costello (from Abbot and Costello) could lead this team under center more efficiently than quarterback  KJ Costello.

Family man of the week: JJ  Arcega-Whiteside for taking both his fathers’ last name and his mothers’ maiden name. Very noble. Last name really flows off the tongue nicely. Not. Still a bulldozer though.

Colorado 13 Washington 27

Last week I said Washington was dead, Jake Browning is the best quarterback who actually sucks, and Colorado is the friskiest team in the country. I don’t know what to believe anymore. My brain hurts.

Sending thoughts and prayers to my friend Teri. Paid programming SUCKS!!!!!  Hope this terrible problem was hashed out peacefully.

Listen, Washington isn’t a great football team. Don’t let today convince you otherwise. Browning threw for 150 yards on 25 attempts. In a college football game. At home. This is the Jake Browning I know. Huskies win big.

Cal 49 Oregon St. 7

Cal, who lost to a terrible UCLA team last week, demolishes the worst team in the Pac 12. I miss Oregon St. having quarterbacks like Sean Mannion who were terrible at football but could still the throw the ball 75 yards. Those days are gone. Beavers are simply shitty. That’s all you gotta know. Bears win big.

Oregon 20 Washington St. 34 

It’s about time College GameDay made the trip to Pullman! These fans would kill an immediate family member for an Apple Cup victory.

Oregon had no shot today. Winning in Pullman on the same day College GameDay is on campus (for the first time ever) isn’t possible. . Tough to beat a team when their quarterback has this mustache also.

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Excellent tackling from Oregon’s defense here: At least every player on defense tried their best.

Get that money Coach Leach!!

Oregon forgets to score in the first half. Washington St wins big.

USC 28 Utah 41 

Easiest over of all time. Whoever set this at 48.5 should be ashamed.

Thank you for the heads up Colin, you little squid.

Listen, I said it last week and I’ll say it again every time USC loses, you can’t bet on this face. You simply can’t. This face doesn’t have the ability to win you football games. Just take my word on it.

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Fastest white football player to ever play:

Don’t sleep on how passionate Salt Lake City is for its football (and cults).

UCLA 31 Arizona 30

Breaking: UCLA is starting to play competent football.

Big win for UCLA. Gotta feel proud about this one. But with Stanford, Utah, USC, and Oregon all up next on the schedule, there’s no fucking chance you can call UCLA a dark horse. Put on the dunce hat Nick, this is an awful take.

UCLA won because of one play: Good job Darnay

Cya next week.

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